just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
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