I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
my liver is dry heaving
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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