awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
