Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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