I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
