OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
