i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
