This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize