I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Randomize
