HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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