Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
