it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
