i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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