Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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