Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
