Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Randomize
