why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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