Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
