and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
