wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
