In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
