So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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