if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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