I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I forget how to act sober
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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