just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
