So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
