so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
