no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
