where does the pee come out of this thing
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
