The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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