Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
