We named our party play list daddy issues
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
