My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
