WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
It's shark week go big or go home
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
