i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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