Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Randomize
