This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
