If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
It was confusing and full of hummus
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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