It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
