we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
