why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
