we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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