what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
she peed on how many people?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
