are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
