i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
