i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
