I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
