Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
