I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
