Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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