Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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