Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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