I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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