okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
