the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
i think i just lost a toe
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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