Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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