before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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